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  1. Wow. This evening I was in counselling talking about how the past few months I have been working at just loving myselfand my body as I am. But when I talk to family and friends, I always put this caveat on the end about how doing so is ultimately going to help me get control of my weight. And why did I feel the need to put that caveat in?

    These words resonant so much with me. I have done the restrict and binge roller coaster for years as well. And I think this post has given me the words I need to stop adding the caveat on the end.

    Thank you!

    1. Wow, I just stumbled onto your blog by accident and I just want to applaud your courage and your truth. I’m 70 years old and yet our lives parallel on this issue and I wish I’d been as wise as you before I dieted myself to 350 plus pounds. I could go on and on but you already know my story of binge eating, dieting, self loathing, doctors who haven’t a clue, and well meaning friends and family. I need a dress for my daughter’s wedding and maybe I can wear it proudly, God Bless you.

  2. Every. Single. Word. I feel understood by you in a situation not understood or approved of by many. Thank you for sharing your stories, stories I can share with others to better explain my experience in a way I can’t put into words. Thank you for sharing so much with us! I have love and appreciation for you, my friend.

  3. I needed to read this. I’ve been on a “war path” to try and change my body to be more acceptable but I keep forgiving that my body is fine just the way it is. I’m healthy and everything is going to be okay. Thank you ❤️

  4. You are amazing!!! It’s as if you just wrote down every single thought, emotion… Everything I’ve had and still have every day of my life!! Thank you for being you and real!! I needed to read this and know I’m not alone.

  5. This post is everything. Reading your words, hearing things that ‘friends’ have said to both of us has brought me to tears. Not because I’m sad but because I’ve finally found someone who understands!!! I’ve just turned 35 and I’m only just beginning to let go of ‘fixing’ myself. I’m fat, I have mental illnesses and I’ve recently been diagnosed with binge eating disorder. I’ve spent so many years trapped by binge and restrict. (I’m currently in restrict) believing there is something wrong with me. Your post opens the door to the fact that I’m not broken.

    Thank you so much.

    I’m sorry for rambling xxxx

    1. we’re all in this together, and my story is not unique – you are proof of that. The more of us who share and tell people the more access to eating disorder help we’ll get. I’m sending you healing vibes babe <3

  6. Thank you!!! So many feelings relating to this post. I get the workout anxiety 100%, weirdly I get it when I choose (quote, unquote) healthy food, as well. I second guess whether subconsciously I’m choosing a salad because I’m having a bad body day or if it’s really what I want to eat. It’s tough to put your mind and body through so much and work through feelings of inadequacy and come out on the other side. Sending big love to you, you’re one of my favorite role models! <3 keep on keepin it real! Xo

    1. I FEEL THAT TOO! This stuff is so DEEPLY ingrained in us that even a salad feels like some weird twist that our brains are throwing up to get us sucked back into diet culture. Thank you for being here babe! xoxo

  7. Oh. My. Thank you a thousand times over for this. It says everything I have needed to say to so many people but never knew the words. You are amazing!

  8. Corissa,
    You continue to amaze me with your honesty. Your words make sense of feelings/experiences I’ve had but have never been able to put to words. Thank You Thank you so much for living openly and honestly. You are truly a beautiful soul… keep shining… much love and peace to you xoxo

  9. “Are humans less valuable to you if they won’t outlive you . Are you so scared of your own grief …” . What a wonderful punch in the gut that was . Those words will be sitting with me for awhile. Thank you for the insight.

  10. Oh lord! Newb here.. this is the second piece of yours that I’ve read and it’s hits me so hard for more than one reason.. first off let me say that I have gone my whole life (31 almost 32 years) with hating my body type. I hate looking at myself in the mirror when I’m naked and there have been days when I refuse to shower because of that reason.. I will say that in the past year I have been really trying hard to love myself and be nicer to myself mainly because I have five kids. My youngest who will be three in April is a girl. Now it has taken me having a girl to realize that one: how am I supposed to teach her to love herself if I can’t ever say anything nice to myself, and two: boys need a strong mother just as much as girls do.. because they are just as insecure if not more so. I have done the restriction/binge thing my whole life… on top of being an addict. I am a heroin and meth addict (clean and sober), I started using meth at the age of 12 and quickly realized how easy it was to lose weight.. I didn’t use heroin until age 25. MY WHOLE LIFE IVE BATTLED STRONGLY WITH ADDICTION AND HAVE TAMED THE BEAST SO MANY TIMES JUST TO GO BACK TO USE BECAUSE I HATED MY WEIGHT. There were obviously other factors involved with my relapses as well… but I can guarentee the weight issue has also been a triggering factor for me. Last summer I had 4 years clean and sober and threw it down the drain and it has taken me the better part of the year to regain my recovery. I have a little over a month today, and once again I’m terrified of “being fat” now let me say, my significant other loves me and my curves and rolls and stretch marks and cellulite.. he wouldn’t change anything about me, other than my self loathing. He hates that I do this to myself. But all these reasons are not the reason for me to be writing this comment. I am writing this because I have been the person who has said these things to my mom about my sister.. who is EFFING BEAUTIFUL btw no if ands or butts about it… but my mom and I have both said those exact same things about her in the past, and she also has an addiction problem for the same reasons.. it made me realize where this all stems from.. my mom, and I love that woman so much. But damn, she has always had an eating disorder from childhood due to teasing at school.. her nickname was moose as a child, as mine was miss piggy, and my sister I’m sure had it the worst due to other health issues. I’m so sorry this is so long, this post has gotten me to feel sooo many different feelings. Guilt, grief, sadness, loss, hope, faith, and maybe just a little bit more love for myself. I will make sure to tell my sister today how beautiful she is always without any buts and myself as well. Thank you so much for the reality check! Xoxo

  11. Thank you so much Corissa for writing this. It is incredibly beautiful and really put things in perspective for me. ? I used to be thin and now I am fat, and I’ve been on this difficult journey of trying to accept fatness because I never had to before. Reading this blog helped make it easier for me. Thank you for everything you do. ♥️

  12. This is a piece of art. I feel moved by the incredibly vulnerable act of share your insecurities and truths with the world. There is a harmful notion of individual responsibility our western societal norms have place on every human. It has been produced by many years of problematic medicalization and scientific rationality associated with obesity. The medical community has gone so far as to call it an epidemic. This leads to the creation of detrimental ideologies, like “gross” or “lazy” that makes people feel entitled to judge others based on their size or “lifestyle” choices. The medical community wants to “fix” people which stems to the people you love wanting to “fix” you too. The word fixing or improvement has always bothered me because it suggest that something is wrong with you. That is no way to live life and as most people find out its not. I appreciate the work you are doing towards self-acceptance and saying a FU to the people that think otherwise. You are a role model to so many people that have internalized harmful ideologies and believe that they are not good enough. The applaud the courage that it takes to provoke critical thought about the body (your body) in a public space and creating a personal narrative that challenge traditional norms. Your writing is beautiful and critical, I really enjoyed it and I hope you write more!

  13. That photo of you and your sister is just amazing. Both of you doing yoga — the bodies are very different but the hearts are in sync. Your sister looks as though she loves and accepts you. I hope that’s true. It’s true about my sister — our entire lives together I’ve cried about being fat, hated my body, gone on diet after diet, gained the weight back over and over, and she, still a size 8, has never criticized me (we’re in our 50s now). She supports me if I want to diet, compliments my new top if I’ve just gained back 40 pounds. That picture could be me and my sister. Thank you for this post.

  14. I wish everyone could read this!! Everything in this article is spot on. It’s weird and creepy and ultra arrogant to think you have any right to police anyone else’s body. Even as a slim-ish woman on social media who has recently gained 30 pounds I’ve had so many people telling me I need to hit the gym, commenting ‘what’s happened to your looks?’ and even one idiot guy commenting ‘this woman is a donut away from being obese!’ (#facepalm). In general, men don’t deal with this constant public commentary on their bodies. They are allowed to simply exist, at any weight, it is not your job or any woman’s, to be a certain weight. Your value is not based on your appearance. This is why I love all the work you do so much. Thank you for continuing to keep this super important discussion going. I will always support you 1000%.

  15. This was an amazing read. Thank you for bringing all of my thoughts and feelings on to a page and out of my head. Thank you for your bravery!

  16. I’m so sick of people assuming I secretly want to be a waif. I like being…big. And my husband LOVES it. And you know…if you aren’t paying my bills, sleeping in my bed or directly affected by my life choices, I really don’t care what your opinions are and honestly, I really don’t need or want to hear them.

    I ended up here by putting into the search bar: sundresses for fat people with a stomach. No offense…just getting tired of tip toeing around it and seeing ads of size 00 women modeling plus sized clothing and justifying it by holding the sides out as far as they’ll go to prove there’s room for more. We don’t need a size 00 holding out to their side 46 inches of fabric. We need a size 26 model showing us how it would really look!

    I’m pushing 40…trying to be ok with myself and trying to wear something other than jeans and a t shirt. Thanks for your little posts and thanks for being so brave to post pics and such. Very helpful. I only wish I was ever as brave as you.

    (Thanks for the sundress post, btw. That was exactly what I was looking for)

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