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Define Flattering

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Define Flattering //

I don’t want to hear it. I know that this dress looks like a sack. I realize that this dress is oversized. This may shock some, but I bought it that way and I really really like it. Not only do I like it, I think I look hot as hell in it.

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Earlier this year Alysse from Ready To Stare released a dress that got a lot of backlash for not being “flattering” enough. She did an amazing job of addressing it, since that incident I have noticed time and time again, that people really put a lot of pressure on one another to wear “flattering” clothes. Of course, the problem with that in the plus size community is that unlike thin bodies, our bodies are inherently perceived as unflattering. So, while a thin person may be able to try new trends and experiment with their style, we’re stuck being told that we can’t try these things because they’re just not made for fat people. They make fat people look “sloppy” or “unkempt”.

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Now there are a lot of things about my life that are sloppy. In fact, while I write this there are three laundry baskets sitting next to me and a coffee table with last night’s half eaten mexican food on it, sitting in front of me. Your girl knows sloppy. We’re acquainted. We may actually be related. But trust me when I say, if you see me walking down the street and you think I look sloppy… that is your problem not mine.

Define Flattering //

Most days I don’t wear super nice clothes. I wear sweat pants and a t-shirt or jeans. I wear my hair in a messy bun. I look like literally every other 30 year old that works from their home. Nothing sets me apart. Except see… I’m pretty fat. So when someone sees me they don’t immediately think “oh look it’s a casual mom-aged person just hanging out and relaxing for the day”. They think “ugh, she’s so lazy she doesn’t even get dressed”. Maybe you think I’m being too sensitive. Maybe you think “well sweat pants DO look sloppy”. Ok, I’m going to need you to think about the last time you say a thin girl in sweat pants and a t-shirt and thought “ew sloppy” instead of “omg effortless!”. Ya’ll entire brands are built around thin women who want to wear yoga pants all the time and get praised for it. I’m not imagining this.

Define Flattering //

So when I think about my style, when I think about the trends I want to try, I’ve started asking myself “define flattering”. It turns out, flattering is very different than what I’ve been taught. It has nothing to do with looking put together, or hugging your curves in all the right places. Flattering doesn’t even have to do with how you feel in your clothes. Flattering is something that people made up in order to further judge and demean bodies that they don’t like. It’s an entire concept based around making people adhere to arbitrary and meaningless “rules”. It’s boring, and I refuse to spend any more of my time validating it.

So the next time you find yourself wondering if something is flattering, I challenge you to ask yourself “define flattering?”.

Dress – c/o Full Beauty
Hat – c/o Full Beauty
Shoes – Dansko

Fat Girl Flow

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Victoria Campbell

Tuesday 16th of August 2016

I just found your website and it's so positive! I love that you don't care what others think and you wear whatever you want as long as you like it! You look super cute in this dress and it looks so fun!

Ellen Dayan

Friday 1st of July 2016

Very comfortable and fun-looking! I love it! Sexy can be relaxed, too. :)


Saturday 16th of April 2016

I loved this I Love your confidence and you have given me something to think about wow happy I found this blog


Saturday 16th of April 2016

I'm happy you're here!!!! xoxo


Friday 15th of April 2016

It might not be what everyone tells you is "flattering" but, you look sexy as hell! That peek-a-boo shoulder and the way it drapes down your body? Yum! Fixation on creating the illusion of a slimmer figure has nothing on this gorgeousness.


Thursday 14th of April 2016

I used to spend so much time trying to find "flattering" clothing. As a fat person, that usually meant tight clothing so I could "show off" my waist or stuff that was carefully designed to hide my belly and back rolls.

Then one day I was just like, fuck it, Fuck flattering. None of my "flattering" clothes were even very comfortable. I want to wear a top that doesn't make me feel like I have to constantly suck in my stomach. I want to wear clothing that doesn't dig into me if I bend over. You know what? I AM fat. I'm not going to put on some magic dress and suddenly no one will realize I'm fat. I'm not a magical fat person without fat rolls or dimples. So now I wear comfortable clothing that I love and that makes me happy, and flattering can go fuck itself.

Ellen Dayan

Friday 1st of July 2016

Love your spirit and sense of humor. You made me laugh. Thanks!