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When I was a kid I used to think that everyone who got to follow trends and dress like the kids on My So Called Life were soooo cool. They all had some effortless appeal to them that made me feel like I cared way too much. I’ve been chasing after that effortlessly cool look for a long time and it turns out… I ain’t got it. It took me an hour to do my hair. And another twenty minutes to do my makeup (it doesn’t even look like I’m wearing any!). And my adorable Drew Barrymore inspired manicure cost $30. And the camera I use to take these pictures had to be purchased via lay-away because it cost an entire month’s income. And let’s not even get started with how much it costs and the amount of maintenance required to keep this amazing mop of hair on my head, or the time and effort put into skin treatments to get rid of my cystic acne (say hello to my friend there on my cheek!).
As I got a bit older, I started looking at all these things I do to maintain my appearance. The amounts of money I spend on these things, and the time and effort I put into them. There’s something about putting $50 night cream on your face every night that makes you start to really contemplate your existence. At some point I looked at myself and thought “WHEN DOES THE EFFORTLESS PART HAPPEN?!?!?”
And then I remembered that this morning when I woke up I thought my slept on hair and bed-wrinkled face looked a bit sweet. I thought my belly hanging over my boy shorts looked exceptionally soft. And when I reached for my toothbrush my cute manicure made me smile a little bit. I realized that for me, effortless isn’t how I look. It’s how I feel.
So maybe I’ll never be the kind of effortless that the girls on My So Called Life were. And maybe it will always take me forever to do my hair and makeup. Or maybe someday I’ll say to hell with the highlights and laser hair removal. For now, I feel wonderful. I feel effortless.
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Fat Girl Flow isn't about ONE person, it's about a community of kick ass people coming together to support, encourage, and love one another. What started as my personal journey to self love, quickly turned into something I never expected - life long friendships, understanding, and personal growth. We're all in this together <3